3 Ways to Lift Your Mood Right Now

Today I'm reading an article about positive emotions by Barbara Fredrickson, positive psychologist and author of Love 2.0.  As I read it, I'm reminded how important it is for all of us to develop the ability, as Fredrickson calls it, "shift sets," which is to say, shift our mood and mindset.  Fredrickson's research has shown that positive emotions increase our resilience because they are accompanied by broader perspective and more flexible thinking (unlike negative emotions which tend to narrow our point of view and shut down our ability to generate options).

So whether you wake up on the wrong side of the bed one morning or find yourself dealing with a major life stressor, it's important to have a set of skills that you use to bring some positive emotion online.  Here are three little practices I like to do to shift my mood.

1.  Locate Five Beautiful Things:  Wherever you are right now, identify five instances of beauty.  These things can be very small.  I'm not in a particularly majestic location at the moment, so here's what's in my view as an example:  a splash of deeply saturated aqua blue on a book cover, the curling grain of the wood in my table, fresh green leaves that tip up toward the sky, glitter on the face of my watch, and my dog's velvety brown ears.  I blogged about this boost after I read versions by Tara Mohr and Laurel Holman.  This practice shifts your attention.

2.  Look Up:  Go outside and look up at the sky.  The movement of standing on your own two feet, and tilting your head up toward the sky is naturally heart-opening.  A little and sunshine or blue sky can be an added bonus.  There is ample evidence that body posture impacts mood, so it's great to get in the habit of taking advantage of this quick boost (a great TED talk by Amy Cuddy discusses how body posture can impact who you become).  This practice shifts your position.

3.  Ask Yourself "What else can I enjoy?"  Ask this question silently to yourself.  Perhaps you can enjoy the cooling sensation of your breath passing by the tip of your nose.  Perhaps you can enjoy the soft texture of the shirt you are wearing, or perhaps you can enjoy the smell of coffee brewing.  Notice the subtle but important mind shift that accompanies the "what else" aspect of this question.  According to Steve Andreas, neuro-linguist and author of Transforming Negative Self-Talk, the assumption that you were enjoying something before you asked yourself this question, even if you don't believe it, is a powerful cognitive shift.  In my experience, when I ask myself this question, the assumption seems to prove itself over and over.  This practice shifts your cognition.

PS I hope that if you practice with these skills you'll see that the idea here is not to aim toward becoming relentlessly and cloyingly cheerful.  Instead, the invitation is to experiment with these little in the moment practices, and see for yourself if they introduce access to energy or options you might not have noticed before.  I'd love to hear how it goes for you.

Book Review :: The Way of Transition

Sometimes life hands me a book that is just what I needed.  This summer, by way of a good friend, that book was The Way of Transition by William Bridges.  

If you've been following the blog, you may remember this post from early summer, recounting a moment in the grocery store during which I distinctly felt that something had changed for me. Nothing outside me had changed, but inside I felt a shift.

This book named that moment for me and helped me get oriented to the phase I now find myself in.  Here are the three most important things I received from the book.

1.  Bridges identifies the moment of internal shift as a developmental transition (as a parent I see this frequently with my children, and it was relieving and freeing to allow myself to be in one of these phases).

2.  He notes that even if a change is good, it can be accompanied by a feeling of grief when familiar parts of our lives or identities change, which was another point that normalized some of the less sunny feelings I had over the summer.

3.  He claims there is a "neutral zone" in all transitions, a phase in which aspects of life are in motion, but an external reality has not solidified.  The uncertainty of this phase can be disorienting and the temptation can be to make quick decisions to end the phase of uncertainty.  However, if the "neutral zone" is embraced it has the potential for exploration and experimentation can make it a deeply creative phase for people.

Here's to creative exploration and experimentation!

Listening as an act of love

I was asleep in bed when the phone rang.  I picked up the phone and Graham's friend Joe said to me, "America has been attacked."  I thought he was joking.

That is how I learned about the terrorist attacks of 9/11.  

Over the past few years I have been following a classmate of mine as he leads a team that is creating the 9/11 Museum.  His TED presentation describing his work is full of beauty, lyricism, and kindness.  He talks about "the poetry of reflection," "meaningful adjacency," and the "literature inside all of us."

Watch the video.  Remember the day.  Tell me where were you when you heard the news?  I'd like to know.

Celebrate :: 40 is Fabulous

I went to a "40 is Fabulous" Birthday Party this weekend.  And I loved it.  The display of fancy shoes alone was celebration of glitter, sass, style and pure fun.  But that was not all, there was dancing to cheesy music from the nineties, amazing ice cream sandwiches from Bi-Rite creamery in San Francisco, and tequila shots.  That's right, tequila shots.  I did it all, tipping a little farther backwards, as my heels sunk deeper and deeper into the lawn with each passing hour.

One of the things I loved the most about this party though, was the frame for this celebration.  The hostess had gathered us all together to celebrate 40 years of life, by sharing a little bit of all of her favorite things with us.  So on various tables around the party there was a list in a silver frame of the hostess's "Top 40."  You can see the bottom of it in this picture below:

Reading the list made me closer to the Birthday friend, confirming what I already knew, but also adding to the picture.  I had no idea "early morning" was one of her favorite things.  Now I do.  By sharing so generously she deepened our friendship in a sweet, light hearted way.  And so to say thanks, I'm offering my own "Top 40" in no particular order.  Actually, since I'm 41, I indulged in 41 items.  Forgive me.  Here it goes:

morning frisbee with Chicca (the dog)

the ocean

ice cream

peonies

villa san michele

glitter

bathtime

mothers symposium 

monday dish walks

my mother's floating island

getting there by bike

rainy days

post ranch inn

outdoor fires

friday sitting

my wedding dress

swings 

momma zen

aqua blue

hanalei bay

date night

dahlias

california

the sunshine smell of girl hair

my weber grill

s'mores

my bed

sunday jogs

homemade gnocchi

lavendar

productive team meetings

a good bagel

champagne

the golden gate bridge

memoirs

my girls schools

family dinners

shawn colvin

reading

What's on your list?

Am I doing this right?

If you've been following the blog for awhile, you may know that on Fridays I get together with a group of friends.  We usually light a candle and sit together in a circle for twenty minutes--it's our version of meditation practice.  Recently, we've connected with some other friends who want to share in this exploration, who want to find out for themselves what meditation is and how it might have a place in their lives.  And so, starting a couple of Fridays from now, we'll be sitting together again.

I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also finding myself feeling shaky and wondering how to proceed.  I've had a practice for a long time, but sharing it is much newer.  I feel shy.  I feel uncomfortable, and sometimes afraid.  I find myself asking the question that I've asked myself many, many times before, "Am I doing this right?"  

For better or for worse, this seems to be a learned mantra that swarms incessantly around me and people I know.  It's useful to a point, but after that point, this question can become a kind of bizarre, ubiquitous, shaming background noise that is around us so much we barely notice it.  Until we sit our butts down on a cushion, and sure enough, there it is, predictable in its ubiquity.  Right up front, one of the first things that flies by the observing mind.

So what do I make of this question...well, I could think a lot of things about it, but for now, today, I think I will hear the question like the chime of a meditation bell, indicating that something new has begun.  Nothing more, nothing less, just the habit my mind falls into when I encounter something new.  

Am I doing this right?

Ping...

The session begins...

Around and around

Celebrate :: Audacious Dreams

Today is a day for big dreams, audacious dreams, dreams that aim high, dreams that that imagine a future as yet unseen.

Today is a day for the kinds of dreams that ripple out, take hold, build up, and topple over all at once.  

Today is a day for dreams that are rooted in love.  

Today is a day for dreams that are powered by faith.  

Today is a day for dreams that recognize the mutuality of human nature and the interconnectedness of all life.

Do not be mistaken.  Audacious dreams are not the same as ambitious dreams.  They may be related, but they are not the same.  What is small is sometimes very big.  

On December 1, 1955 Rosa Parks simply took her seat.  It was audacious.  I don't know if she imagined it would change the world.  But it did.  

It is audacious to believe that washing a dish today, changing a diaper today, or holding a hand today will change the world.  But this dream is rooted in love, powered by faith, and skillfully recognizes the interconnectedness of all life.  

It is audacious to imagine that the conversation you have with a co-worker today, that the email you send to your team today, that the way you conduct yourself in the office today changes the world  just as much as the new product you are launching, maybe more.   This is a dream that aims high, this is a dream that topples over the rules of power, this is a dream that imagines a future yet unseen.

Audacious dreams are magical dreams.  They defy day-in-day out rationality, and yet adhere to a logic that is eternal and crystal clear.  They require faith, because the normal pencil and paper calculations don't always apply, and yet, over the long arc of history, the bottom line is clear.  Love never fails.  

Don't be mistaken.  Today is not the day to get out your pencil and paper, scratch your head and wonder, "Gee, I need an audacious dream. What is my audacious dream?" No, this would be a very unkind thing to do.  This is a subtle form of self-agression, a message to yourself that who you are today, what you need to attend to today, is not enough to matter.  

Who you are and what you do today matters more than you may know, possibly, more than you are able to know.   Because the future will always remain unseen.

The question today is...Can you see the audacious dream you are living right now?  Can you be bold enough to imagine that the loving actions you take today will change the world forever?

Rosa Parks took her seat, what will you do?

If you have a minute today, don't miss the opportunity to re-read or watch MLK's "I have a dream" speech.  You never know, giving yourself time to really absorb this message, to receive this incredible gift of oration, may just change the future forever.

Read the full text version from the National Archives or watch it on youtube.

Water

This is where I go, where I always go, to refresh and renew.  

Again and again I return to water.

Where do you go?

A little work

Last Tuesday I worked a little bit,

yes, worked. 

I interviewed a friend 

about how she wants to 

acknowledge her

upcoming milestone 

Birthday.

It was an honor

and a pleasure.

I don't know how 

this kind of work

which I've been doing for

ten years

will figure into my next

chapter of work.

But for now,

it was enough,

just to enjoy this work.

Five Beautiful Things

This week, I really enjoyed reading Tara Mohr's post called Five Beautiful Things.  I especially appreciated that looking for beauty is a strategy she chose to turn to in a moment of stress and frustration.  That feels like a fit for me too (we all have our different ways of managing stress) and reminds me of a post I wrote last summer about how preschool teachers are masters at instructing children to turn to their senses to shift moods.

My buddy Laurel, took Five Beautiful Things to the next level and blogged her own version, which I loved.  So I thought I'd do one too.  Thanks for the inspiration, friends!

We're in Tahoe now, and the word that comes to mind here is glittering.  The lake, the aspen leaves, even the air itself, vibrates with light.  I love watching the natural world create a visual effect that I usually experience in a more hand-made crafty way.  I love encountering glitter in any context!

And then there are the trees.  All over this property there are various versions of pine trees grouped together in clusters, giving meaning to a "stand of trees."  Like a group of friends standing around at a cocktail party..friendly, convivial, giving shelter.  Comforting and lovely.

A morning cup of tea in front of it all.  No description necessary!

While here, I'm enjoying the beauty of time, long stretches of do nothing time, which for me often turns into doodling and painting.  No pressure to produce something special, just playing, often with the kids.  This is some of my favorite type of parenting time.

And most beautiful of all, is time with friends.  We are here with Graham's best friend from high school and his family who are from Austin (I want to spend more time there!).  It is amazing to see the depth of connection between the two dads.  When I first met Graham, one thing about him that inspired me was the group of friends he had created for himself.  I had actually never encountered such warm, connected, deep men in my life.  Across the board they were (and continue to be) strong without being macho, committed, smart and funny.  Graham's BFF from high school set a high bar for those college friends, and I'm loving connecting with him and the family he and his wife have created.